This morning, at about 6-something a.m., I will become twenty-four years old as Americans count life.
One thing I will always remember this year for is my discovery of depersonalization. That quote from Ogden Nash, over there to the right, has haunted me since I found it at age thirteen because the full poem hints at something that I have experienced and fear greatly. I never could find anyone who knew what the hell I was talking about (strong word completely intentional here) when I tried to explain it to them, until this year. Someone knew. They gave it a name for me, and told me where to find out more about it. Here.
I don't want to weird anyone out with this stuff; I will say that this article presents people that are affected more constantly with the phenomenon than I am. With me, it's more like an asthma attack, every now and then - sometimes I see it coming, sometimes it hits out of the blue. But the relief I had in finding out that other people actually have been through what I'm talking about is the greatest gift I've gotten in a long time - enough to get me over my irrational fear that people are going to mock me about it if I make it public, because if there's anyone who reads this who also thought they were the only one, I want to let them know that they're not.
I've had a good year. God has given me things that I'm not sure how to handle yet, but am extremely grateful for. Great roommates that, unintentionally, have helped me to see my inner grossness; the book of Joel that has made me think about my parents' problems in a new way, even though hoping is scarier than dull hopelessness; time and love to spend on people that I can't even relate to anymore because their God is no longer the same as mine; and amazingly beautiful things to see, natural and man-made both.
Posted by tuggy at 03.16.04 00:01